The Tales Of An Utterly Gusty Baby
by zaphyro
Summary: With a twist of fate Jiraiya adopts Naruto in a frenzy and must deal with a hyper active bating pairing.
1. the Baby

Hi this is my first story so i hope you like it.

Disclaimer= i dont own Naruto.

"No!Sarutobi sensei,i will raise Minato's last legacy,i dont care if a fourth shinobi world war is caused due to my actions"Jiraiya said with finality.

"Jiraiya please try to understand that i cant all the villages safety by allowing you leave your spy network for are the best spy we go-"Sarutobi tried to argue only to be cut off by Jiraiya's booming voice"No sensei my decision is final and nothing will change my mind,give him the name of Uzumaki,hide his lineage,make up an excuse but i will raise him."then in a slightly softer tone"i owe this much to Minato for failing him"

When Jiraiya had returned to the village he had expected to find a blooming Konoha with a groaning Minato bent over paperwork or something like that,Certainly not a decimated village and its people burying the body of his favourite student and now his sensei had the audicy to deny him the last living link to he was almost ready to grab Naruto and run off elsewhere.

Sarutobi was about to speak when he heard the crying of baby Naruto woken up by Jiraiya's voice,that made him tone it down considerably and he knew first hand that arguing with Jiraiya on this when he was so insistent was futile and the last time was when he had told him he wanted to be a pervert with a straight face so he tried to present a compromise."how about you take him in as your student when he becomes a genin"but was again cut off by a lazy drawl which belonged to none other then the infamous Kakashi no Sharingan who had welcomed himself from the window."Sorry,that honour was placed to me by the Yondaime and so cannot be revoked as if you do it will be a desecretion of a dead hokages wishes and a break of the law, cherrios"saying that Kakashi smiled his eye smile and shunshined away.

Meanwhile Sarutobi was seriously contemplating seeing to the assassintion of the S rank shinobi known as Kakashi Hatake as he saw his pupils eyes light up with glee at finding the loophole...

Meanwhile Jiraiya was seriously contemplating whether or not to give Kakashi the whole icha icha gold plated novel exclusively signed by him for discovering that loophole...

"Well Sarutobi sensei,seems this matter is closed as Minato entrusted me to look after his son should anything happen to him which it unfortunately did so it seems i have no choice but to fulfill his wish and raise the child."saying that he calmly grabbed Naruto and walked out on the sputtering Sarutobi Hiruzen only to come in and announce that he had given Kakashi his gold plated elclusive edition icha icha novel as a reward before walking out again giggling

Sarutobi was left sputtering like a fish before screaming in anguish"DAMM you know I have always wanted that!"and slamming his head on the desk repeatedly while somewhere a certain Hatake squeled like a little girl

Again this s my first story so please tell me how did i do^,^ also i would really like a beta as i have many mistakes on my phone

Oh and i am thinking of bringing Tsunade into Narutos upbringing as it would help more humar :)

Tell me if i should

Please review ^=^


	2. crisis with Tsunade

Here is chapter two

**Kunoichi of the Moonlit Night****-thnks for your time to review. I appreciate it and read ik the chapters are a bit small but im gona be updating regularly or a big chapter once a week would be better?**

**atriptothegreatbeyond****-thnks for the honest comment and I didn't mean to make him a bit oc at it this way he is more jovial and 13 years younger too and Minato just died too so he has to face a LOT of paperwork.**

Jiraiya had fought S-rank shinobi like Orochimaru without flinching, had learned senjutsu and was known as the master sealer yet he had never in his life been faced with such a difficult task as trying to quell a crying baby. Damm thing had lungs the size of the Hokage monument and it would JUST not stop even when he promised to teach it the Rasengan which men would have died to learn, yet his pride stopped him for going to Sarutobi and admitting he was right. Still desperate times called for desperate measures as he took out the only choice left to him from his pocket.

Before Tsunade the slug queen and Shizune the poison expert had left the village Jiraiya had given them a pocket seal much like the Hiraishin which would the summon the person whose blood was marked on it. He had sworn to only use it in desperate conditions when death was inevitable or in grave need and now was the time. Quickly running his hand over the seal he summoned Tsunade from no small amount of his chakra.

Tsunade had been having the time of the life until she won the jackpot at the gamboling hall which froze her and when she felt the seal on the pocket seal activate she only hoped that Jiraiya could hold out long enough for her to help him and inwardly cursed the gods who had ruined her luck though when She certainly didn't expect to find a crying baby and an exhausted Jiraiya.

"What is the meaning of this Jiraiya?!"She angrily asked only for the super pervert to back down and quiver under her glare "wait wait! Here me out" he said and as angry as she was at him she decided to hear his pitiful excuse.

Two minutes later Tsunade was trying sooth a crying Jiraiya while for comfort he pulled Tsunade into a hug which she didn't shirk from. Unfortunately Jiraiya chose that moment to make a grab for Tsunades breasts which led her punching him out of the wall which then led to the crying baby to finally be quiet and giggle which led to Tsunade to pick him up and hold the baby close to her breasts which he played with without getting punched through the wall.

"You remind of an old friend of mine. Kushina Uzumaki, I am pretty sure you have heard of her." Tsunade softly said while the baby cooed.

Meanwhile Jiraiya was both amazed at Tsunades kage like abilities to quell babies with her breasts and also deviously thinking up a plan and soon with a poof of smoke Jiraiya was gone.

Suddenly Tsunade heard another baby outside the door and when she saw a crying white haired baby that was conveniently at the doorstep. Sighing she held the second baby to her breasts only to find it had stopped crying and was gripping them rather hard. After a really rough grip she accidently dropped the baby out of shock and cursing expected to find it crying. Certainly not a Jiraiya clutching his bottom in pain after a poof of smoke.

Jiraiya had been having the time of his life before he was dropped and his henge unraveled to reveal him. Now he did the only thing a man could do in the situation "gooh gooh gaga" he unconvincingly cooed only to be held in a hell of torrent as he was used as a punching bag by a furious Tsunade while all Naruto did was burp when Shizune who had been summoned along with Tsunade fed him some milk.

"Tsunade-sama, please tell me we are settling back home" Shizune pleaded "it has been two years since Dan has died. We can't keep avoiding debt collectors our whole life"

Just then the baby started to cry at perhaps hearing his grandmother was about to leave {just go with it} and that was enough to almost convince Tsunade to stay. "No, You can stay but as soon as I can I am leaving but not before teaching Jiraiya some manners and how to take care of a baby" giving a severe kick to the ball of the pervert who had woken up and tried to grab her leg for 'prop'.

Leaving the tub of lard to roll around with Pain {pun intended with Nagato} she set about changing the babys now reeking diapers having done it a thousand of times during her time in the hospital. "Now where were we? Oh yes I was about to teach a pervert some manners?"

Suddenly alert Jiraiya looked around, "huh, I thought I heard pervert, Show yourself Orochimaru you pedophile!" he said only to be greeted with a hell lot of pain in the next few seconds while the baby slept peacefully in Shizune's lap who was cradling him whilve somewhere in a deep deep hole a snake sneezed.

**Well there you have it. Now to make a few things clear I don't intend to have Tsunade be afraid of blood and like she was pre Naruto coming into her this she just hates the village but isn't a weakling, also These chapters are only to get the story going and soon it will be Naruto's time to shine.**

**Should I have 2000 words long chapters every week or 500-1000 words long each alternate day or so?**


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